i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
