what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
they're like a gay fantastic four
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
