Someone shit on the floor
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
