I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
