i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
