i barfeds in our rink
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
