I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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