What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
