Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
