I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
