Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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