We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
