I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize