oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
that may or may not have been my penis.
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