well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
