my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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