You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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