He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
