I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
