p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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