I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
