Small penises have feelings too.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
