my soul wont recognize me after tonight
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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