i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
