I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
