Are we in a gay sports bar?
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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