Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize