Define "chronic" masturbator.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Randomize