just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
