just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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