I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
