They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
