she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
