I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
