Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
