Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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