The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
