I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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