she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
