The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
