We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
