just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
