PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
