I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
