I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
