addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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