possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
