So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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