It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
