yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
