someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
