Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
