So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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