Sponge bath it is.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize