maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
found the other keg... it's in the tree
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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