my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
