You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
