Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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