Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Non-Jews are for practice
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
