I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A bitchslap is in order.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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