careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
this boner is exhausting
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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