I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
