I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
