apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
