just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
