it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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