Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There's even glitter on my cock...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
