Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
