you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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