hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
