I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
