i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
