Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
