i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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