Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
