drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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