Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
