Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
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