You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
